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eGunny
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
A CRUSTY OLD MARINE CORPS COLONEL FOUND HIMSELF AT A GALA EVENT DOWNTOWN, HOSTED BY A LOCAL LIBERAL ARTS COLLEGE. THERE WAS NO SHORTAGE OF EXTREMELY YOUNG, IDEALISTIC LADIES IN ATTENDANCE, ONE OF WHOM APPROACHED THE COLONEL FOR CONVERSATION.
SHE SAID, "EXCUSE ME, SIR, BUT YOU SEEM TO BE A VERY
SERIOUS MAN, ARE YOU THIS WAY ALL THE TIME, OR IS SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU?"

"NO," THE COLONEL SAID, "JUST SERIOUS BY NATURE!"
THE YOUNG LADY LOOKED AT HIS AWARDS AND DECORATIONS, AND SAID, "IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE SEEN A LOT OF ACTION."
THE COLONEL'S SHORT REPLY WAS, "YES, A LOT OF ACTION."

THE YOUNG LADY, TIRING OF TRYING TO START UP A CONVERSATION, SAID, YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD LIGHTEN UP A LITTLE. RELAX AND ENJOY YOURSELF."

THE COLONEL JUST STARED AT HER IN HIS SERIOUS MANNER.

FINALLY THE YOUNG LADY SAID, "YOU KNOW, I HOPE YOU DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY, BUT WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU HAD SEX?"

THE COLONEL LOOKED AT HER AND REPLIED, "1955."
SHE SAID, "WELL THERE YOU GO, YOU REALLY NEED TO CHILL OUT AND QUIT TAKING EVERYTHING SO SERIOUSLY......I MEAN, NO SEX SINCE 1955, ISN'T THAT LITTLE EXTREME?"

THE COLONEL, GLANCING AT HIS WATCH, SAID IN HIS MATTER-OF-FACT VOICE, "OH, I DON'T KNOW........................... IT'S ONLY 2130 NOW."
 

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:lol: :lol: Good one. Man I hate military men. They can be the biggest a$$ in the world and have girls constantly because he wears his uniform where ever he goes..... :bird: :lol: :help:
 

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eGunny
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
[ QUOTE ]
homeless_cq said:
:lol: :lol: Good one. Man I hate military men. They can be the biggest a$$ in the world and have girls constantly because he wears his uniform where ever he goes..... :bird: :lol: :help:

[/ QUOTE ]I can tell you with my ugly mug, my uniform has on more than one occasion helped me get laid. :wink:I used to love to hit the bars on base in my cami's after a hard days work. Oh what was had in those days...... :waytogo:
 

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Now..I did a search on Marine Humor so I could contribute to this thread..and I came up withthe same joke..

so I got this one
Military Rules Of Combat:
A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

A Purple Heart just proves that you were smart enough to think
of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.

Anything you do can get you shot. Including doing nothing.

Close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades, nukes and proximity-fused missiles.

Don't draw fire it irritates the people around you.

Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.

Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire.

Five second fuses only last three seconds.

Helicopter Pilots should remember, If hit, landing near the people that just shot you down is not a good idea.

If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.

If the C.O. gives an order, and there is a grimiest look on your D.I. start worrying if there will be a tomorrow.

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

If you aren't sure, the SAM’s are pointed at you.

If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.

If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.

If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.

Incoming fire has the right of way.

Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

Never forget that your M-16 was made by the lowest bidder.

Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you.

No combat-ready unit ever passed inspection.

No inspection-ready unit ever passed combat.

Pilots should be advised, it is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.

Professionals are predictable it's the amateurs that are dangerous.

Remember: Your aircraft and it’s parts were made by the lowest bidders.

Smart bombs have bad days too.

Teamwork is essential. It gives them more targets to shoot at.

The best defense is to stay out of range.

The easy way is always mined.

The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.

The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions: When you're ready for them and when you're not ready for them.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.

There is always a way.

Try to look unimportant they may be low on ammo.

When in doubt empty the magazine.

When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.

When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.

You are not Tom Cruise.
 

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[Checks to make sure Byron is actually on the other side of the planet]

OK....




Q - Why are Marines like bananas????








A - They start out green, turn yellow, then die in bunches in the jungle.



[calls moving company and leaves no forwarding address]

Scott :lol:
 

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eGunny
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Bit ~ I have over the years had the honor of talking to Medal of Honor winners. They are the most inconspicous people on this earth. They will tell to you to the tee that they are lucky to be alive........ :bow:
 

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Drill Sgt yelling at Marine Corps Private:

"Private, You'll come to my funeral just to piss on my grave won't you?"

Private:

"Sir, No Sir! Once I'm out of the marine corps I'm not standing in line for anything again Sir"


:grin:
 
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